Silas is amazing!! Right now he is sitting in the playroom just crawling around playing with different toys. He's been contently playing alone for about 45 minutes now and I adore him for it. Among other things, but right now I love that he's not making me hold him. He sprouted his first tooth today. My little baby won't stop getting big and it makes me kinda sad. But I'm proud of him and it's exciting to watch him learn, that's my favorite part of the boys growing up, watching them learn new things.
Today was an interesting day. One I expected would probably never happen. I went prom dress shopping with my sister, but that isn't the strange part. I mean, I always hoped that as her big sister she would take me prom dress shopping with her. The weird part is that our dad was there. Normally, that's not so unusual, but my dad and I have not had a relationship and basically no contact, save for a few graduations and a couple of unsolicited visits from him, for the last five years. I chose to sever our ties because I needed to work through the landfill of emotional garbage he'd dumped on me my whole life and you can't really clean anything up while someone keeps piling more crap on, right? So, I got rid of the garbage man. Ok, I'm done with this methaphore. But it was fitting right? I've been in a good place for a while now. He no longer has any authority or power to bring me down or create chaos in my life with his own mess. I'm in a place now that I can be around him and it doesn't bother me, I can talk to him without feeling like I'm letting him win something. To me, he is no different than any other person you meet. You say hello, make small talk, everything is civil and you move on. It doesn't linger with you for days or weeks, it's a fleeting moment and it holds no value. That is how I see my relationship with him right now. I can take it or leave it and I will not feel different either way. I guess after all the battles with him in the last 23 years, I finally won the war. I'm free of all the baggage and I've never felt better. Anyway, recently his stars aligned and situations came up and family visited and somehow it all worked out that we ended up at the same place at the same time. And for the first time ever, he got to see and hold his grandsons (I'm still working on that term, I'm not there yet). So when my sister asked me to come dress shopping I agreed, then I learned he was going too, but I still agreed. It ended up being a good day, he got to play with the boys and spend time with them. And I hung out with my sister and brother and future sis in law. For the longest time I thought that I would never for any reason willingly be around him, but life is interesting like that I suppose. Who knows what the future holds for this relationship (or whatever it is) I guess we will have to wait for the stars to align again, but for now. It just is.
On a better note, Sarah picked out a gorgeous dress!! I need a reason to borrow it in the future, so invite me to a wedding or something!
No comments:
Post a Comment