I really hate when I have a full day and a lot of stuff happens and I don't get to talk to my husband at the end and tell him about it. Mostly cause days like today are only interesting, funny or exciting to me and him. Such as, today we went to my mom's house and helped her get started bringing purpose to a forgotten corner of her backyard. Gavin dug, a lot. Like a dog. It was pretty cute. He blissfully ran around barefooted and played frisbee. Silas played in the empty kiddie pool, which turned out to be a great playpin! And he had a blast and he even stood up from a squatting position while holding onto nothing but a toy in his hand. That is some legit thigh strength! He is getting so fast at crawling and so good at standing. Gavin totally broke my heart today, I responded to him with "yes baby" and he said, "why did you call me baby? I'm a boy!" He calls himself a boy when he means 'big boy'. I told him "because you're my baby!" he said, "no, Silas is your baby. I'm a boy!" I was sad.
Then we went to dinner with my grandmother and both boys fell asleep on the 5 minute drive to the restaurant. Silas slept through the salads. But Gavin. That kid slept until we finished paying the check and were leaving. I held him up and bounced him. I talked to him. I wiggled him. He was passed. Out! I felt bad that he woke up in time to leave. Poor kid missed all the fun. But now it is almost 11:30 and he is wide awake and sitting right next to me eating chex mix for dinner because despite my best efforts to make him something that is all he wants. It won't kill him, whateves.
Now that I got that out of my system. I was thinking I need to record a list of phobias. In case my kids ever wonder if they are weird or whatever for having certain fears and I'm not around to reassure them that it's a totally legit phobia to have. Unless it's bibliophobia. In which case, you're disowned. Get a life. Okay...
First, my biggest fear hands down (besides the bazillion different horrible things that could happen to my children or husband or siblings) is heights. Like, it might be unhealthy how afraid of heights I am. I'll put it this way, when I watch a movie and someone is on the side of a building, cliff, airplane, anything that is taller than than a one story roof I have a physical reaction to the fear. I get sweaty, my heart races, my skin starts to get uncomfortable and prickly. I go nuts. And the higher the ledge, the worse the reaction. It's bad.
Second, Roaches. Omg. I hate hate hate roaches with every ounce of my being. They are disgusting horrible vile things. The few times in my life that I have come into physical contact with a roach made me want to burn the flesh off of that part of my body. They are quiet and sneaky and I'd rather face a ninja. Disgusting. Blah.
Cancer. I have always had this huge fear of cancer. Not so much what it means. But the fact that this horrible disease can be living inside of you without warning. It can just start growing one day and you may never know or not know until it's too late. It's bizarre. I can protect myself and my family from so many things, take great measures to prevent accidents, but cancer, if it wants to happen, it just will. Being unaware and unable to stop it is what freaks me out. I used to spend many, many nights as a kid obsessing and fretting over every little thing that I was convinced was cancer. I'm normal.
Aging. Not so much a fear but the thing I dread the most. I realize it is inevitable but that doesn't stop me from pretending it won't happen. Hoping I can stop/ reverse it. People laugh and say I'm too young to be worried about getting old but, hello! Someone forgot to tell these people that 23 IS old and I will be there in just a few days. Gross. Make it stop.
I guess the biggest fear of mine is definitely not being able to protect my kids or even my husband. It's so hard for me to let any of them go because I am terrified of one day getting a bad call. I'm always worried about my siblings because I know I can't do anything about them or their decisions but I always worry. I worry constantly about everyone. I most definitely pray for safety more than I pray for anything else. It might be obsessive.
I know there is more but these are the major ones. I'm not afraid of much, but the things I am afraid of really really get me.
No comments:
Post a Comment